A new life

Timothy and I spent the night at the Silverstar. I desired a break from home. I needed a moment to think in peace. I am ready for a new start in life. This year started out better than the previous seven years. I have gotten my desires although not in the ways expected. My aim now is to have my desires as desired. I shall struggle no more financially. I shall have better control of self in all aspects of life. My faith in God is my foundations for knowing I shall achieve my goals.

Chill Time

I spent the afternoon chilling with Timothy at the movie theater. We saw Little Fockers and Narnia Voyage of the Dawn Treader. It was good down time. My morning started out rough. I lost patience with everyone. At the heart of the matter, I am still perturbed by my mother's drinking. Visions of her drinking from the bottle kept pouring into my mind most of the morning.

Seeing the movies was good. I was able to put some of the events in my life into perspective. A line in the Narnia movie, "Chasing what was taken and not ejoying what I have been given", struck home for me. I was able to see where I have not taken the time to enjoy what I have been given. I engage in activities that appear to be of enjoyment but are nothing more than me reacting to negative stimuli in my life.

This year will be the first year I keep my New Year's resolutions.

Expectations

When one has no expectations then one is without inner guidance. Like it or not we all have a purpose. Sometimes that purpose is to help guide others to their purposes.

As a parent, it is job one to guide your child. Part of guiding your child is to give to him or her clear expectations. When a child knows what is expected of him/her it sets the ground work for an adult who has a high level of compentency. Muddled expectations leave children without a sure sense of direction. You can expect children to rebel against instructions but when you remain firm they learn the art of guidance.

This thought came to me this morning as I enteracted with my mother and her teenage charge.


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Blessings abound

God is good to me. Christmas day I was able to deliver gifts to loved ones and to spend time with stepfather. His longterm memory is there but his shortterm is shot. I keep thinking of the dream I had over a year ago about his illness.

I know God works.

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God is good

Even when life happens in ways you think are not for your enrichment take faith that God is at work. Last year around this time I was still worrying over quitting my job. I knew in my soul I had to quit yet I was not sure how I would make it financially. It has been almost a year since I was terminated from my job. During that time I have been able to care for my aging parents and my child. I have even had time for my own personal enrichment of career knowledge( IT classes).

Today I am thankful that I am not working for my stepfather is ill and my mother does not wish to stay at this hospital with him.


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Strength

Today I pray for strength to carry on with things. I was unable to get a television for son to play Wii so we returned home. I was looking forward to peace and quite. I keep the faith that something good will come. I did clean house and I have acquired all I desire latley.


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Good Day

Today was a good day. I was able to use Q's car to go to Angie, LA. I got $20 refund from the state of Mississippi. I deposited checks and got money wired to me. Timothy used the gas at the dentist. We were able to volunteer at the Salvation Army. I met a woman older than myself who looked 16. I am doing the gym thing. I also got confirmation from the VA that I do have a dd214. This confirmation came via a job denial at the VA. I shall follow up on it in the morning. Recently I had been thinking of being able to go to church every week. I desired mostly to be able to take Timothy every week. I wait in the spirit. I know something is righting itself in my life. I am thankful and look forward to whatever it is. I know God is able.


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Thankfulness

I am thankful. Something told me to expect money. When I went to the mailbox early Saturday morning money was there. Late Saturday night I got an email notification that I had more money coming. God is good to me. As I washed my hair I was thinking of how to have money to give away. After my shower I got noticed that getting money to give away to someone was not my concern. I am blessed. I am thankful for the good God has put before me. Although I question my movement in Christ, I am constantly given signs that I am on the right path. Thanks God


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Good Day

Today was a good day. Although I only accomplished one goal, getting baked goods to son's school, it was a great day. I am blessed to have been in this day. I am having more ideas come to mind as I work out how to get things going on the creative projects I have.

Wagon Wheel

Yesterday the wheel came off my wagon and I fell off. I gambled more than I should have. I did not leave when I should have. At the root I am upset about my living situation and my relationship with my son. Gambling I know will not resolve either one. I must not allow temporary setbacks in either to send me spirialing. It is hard. Even when I attempt to be silent I still hear only my thoughts. I must make more time for silent time with God throughout the day


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Staying Faith Full

Some days it is hard to keep the faith. Yet when I see the words of God to my soul manifest I am encouraged to stay on task. The issue of the 1 acre should be resolved by week's end. I maintain in God's words to my soul on all things.


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Help

Today I find I am still upset. I am angry for being here at my mother's. I am upset with my mother's continued drinking. I am upset with my son for taking in all of the garbage around him. I am trying to maintain faith. I know we need to move or at the least I need to move Timothy. The latter choice upsets me the most. I do not desire to be apart from him. God I call on you in this hour.


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Waking Thought

This morning I am thankful. I awaken perturbed that the money Arthur said was coming is not there I feel stupid for changing my plans. However, I am keeping my hopes up. I know God has something planned for my greater good.


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Blessings continue

I spent the morning working to get the blinds up at Mr Willie's. Finally glued the bracket to the wood.

BJ called to ask about his things. He is upset with Shannon threaten her and her family over a set of coveralls. He must let go of his anger.

My mother smokes and smokes

I saw in paper 30k grant to have a home built. I shall apply in the morning. God is good and I continue to be blessed. Thanks God.

I shall not fret over money maters. God has assured me a win in regards to money.


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Life is good

I had a good day today. Treated my mother to lunch. Helped my stepfather play the slots. My truck did not quit on me. Is this the calm before the storm? I am at peace. I am thankful.

Blessings today

I am not sure what us going on with my brother. I just say a prayer of protection for him. I pray for Timothy's continued good health. I breathe as I prepare to return to the house. God bless all and may the joys of the day be made known to me


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Staying in the spirit

I am doing my best to stay in the spirit. My mother is still controlling. The good thing is I no longer feel guilty about rebuffing her attempts. I did lose my cool when I learned she had used my cheese for her recipie. I told her I was leaving even if in a pine box. I go Timothy goes to Dylester. I still regret ever bringing him around her. I now understand that you are not required to be around biological family. My prayer to God is for a better home of our own. A home filled with love,joy, peace and health. It is time.


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Going the distance

Something I have learned lately is to not give up hope. In order to succeed you must not give up when things seem to be hard. Although you may have trusted friends and family telling you to give up turn to God for guidance.
Lately I think of the website I had starts 7 years ago. Had I stuck with it I would have been better off. I do not beat myself over giving up so long ago for I know God had other things planned. I still had more growth to experience. I feel it is now time. This down time has allowed me to understand the errors I have made in the past. Most importantly I have learned how not to feel obligated to others. I walk now in the spirit of one who knows freedom.


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God's beauty

I am thankful. I have wanted to join a certain gym. I was not sure how I could pay it on UI. A gf sent a message to me yesterday that a health study was going on here. I called the number she had sent to me , it was the heslthclub I wished to join. I shall go by later to see if they still have room. I left a message. God is good. I am learning to be more specific in my desires.


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God's Angels

Yesterday as Timothy and I shared a meal at a fast food place, a man walked over to us. He wanted to know if we wanted a ham because he had so much ham leftover. I thanked him for the offer but said no thanks.

It was nice of him to offer. I smile to think of his generousity. God bless that man and his family.


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After the storm

This morning is evidence of Grace. We are alive and well after 3 funnel producing stroms set their sights on my hometown. The areas on the edge of town were hit. God bless everyone. It is good.

I saw this morning that my mother had given up a portion of her inheiritence to my uncle in exchange for his putting an element into the water heater for my brother. On the surface I am ticked but in my heart I know God will prevail. I give thanks that God has provide for me s home of my own that is filled with joy, love, and peace. I know to keep my focus on that which God has for me. I am thankful to be able to rear my son in the manner I desired before his birth. I give thanks that he will be the man of help to others one day. I am thankful.


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Blessed Morning

I awaken this morning refreshed. I had a great night's sleep. I give thanks for perfect rest. Peace is something we should not take for granted.

I am thankful.


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What to do?

I have had certain dreams lately involving a certain person. I have not spoken with this person in 8 days. Should I contact them or not? That is the question.

I this person with someone other than me. In my waking life I accept and acknowlege it as being right. However on a spiritual level it seems off.

I hesitate to contact her for fear she will think I am sweating her. However I am done with the sweating of her. I am moving on with my life. I think maybe the dreams are just my way of letting go of her.


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Early Morning at McDonalds

I am sitting with my son. His attitude at times stresses me. Howeve, this morning I have let him know that stressing me will only lead to not doing other things later in the day.

Being upfront with people often lessens the amount of stress in your life. I am one to not enjoy stress.

I understand the less I seek to control others the greater my control of self. The more I control self the greater I influence the behavior of others for the better.


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Fear No More

Tonight my mother is still in an argumentative mood. I understand some of her frustration however this is a situation she created. Lashing out at me will do nothing to resolve her problems. My internalizing the hurt from her lashing out at me only serves to hurt my progress. I therefore take the time to chill in a manner that is beneficial to me. I blog. I look forward to the day that the work I am putting in now pays off for me. I am ready to move forward. I no longer have the fear of poverty. I truly have worked my way through it all. Part of my turning 40 has been being able to release much of the fear that had taken hold of me. Recently I had to let go of the fear of my son loving my mother more than me. I came to understand that it really does not matter for I shall love him anyway. He is free to love as ge does it is just my job as his mom to love him anyway.
Fear if you allow it will keep you frozen in time. If it is your destiny to move then you must shake loose the fear or you will become crazy. I choose to stay sane and to meet my future head on. Thanks God for the blessings given to me. I thank you for peace and for joy.


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Morning Grits

I awaken late this morning, having been up all night. I shared with my online group my step on faith to leave my job last year. Although the material gains I had envision have yet to appear, I have had spiritual gains that will allow me to appreciate all that God has for me. My spiritual gains allow me to now be a steward of the monies given to me in grace.

The biggest gain I have had is being ok with leaving my biological family. I am ok with their being on their own. I no longer have guilt associated with making such a move. It is to my betterment.

God works all one must do is believe.


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Stumble

I am so very tired. I had promised myself that I would remain calm no matter what my mother did. Within 2 hours of that promise to myself, I had lost control over her behavior. I have not worked on my novel these past few days. I am tired. I am so very tired. It moments such as these that try my patience. I find myself using my brain to figure out how to get away from here more than actually writing my novel. By the time my mother leaves the house, I am drained. God help me from this mess. I will not put myself back into it.


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Still thankful

This morning I give thanks for continued peace. Although my mother came home this morning looking for a fight, peace maintained itself. She could only fuss about her wig being in the floor.

God is good. I am thankful for the time to write. I am thankful for the words that come to mind to be placed in paper.

I shall rest in the love of God. Knowing that life does not end based on one error I have hope for a better life. I use this moment to make my life better


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Repost Faith

In the weeks following my start of this blog, my life seemed to be turned upside down. It has been several weeks since I have posted anything to this blog. Recently I have been guided to post again to this blog. I have been reminded that God has me no matter what seems to be. I shall keep this blog updated daily with my experiences. God Bless


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Thanksgiving Faith

The reason I entitled this blog " Faith Filled Days" is everyday I find myself living on faith. It is even more true since I return to my mother's home.
As a child I did not like being home. Home was filled with discourse, guns, and hate. I did all I could as a teenager to not be home. A lady in my hometown endured being labled a child molester just so I could have a few moments of peace.
This morning, Thanksgiving in the U.S., I awaken to my mother prepping her handgun. She was preparing to shoot the gun to get my brother to come over to her house. True to form my brother who did not answer his phone came running at the sound of the gunshots.
My younger cousin, for whom my mother is the guardian, had hid television blasting before 7AM. He has turned out to be rude. My mother has a way of allowing good boys to get stuck on stupid. It is in this vein that I find myself in prayer.
My prayer is in regards to my son. I am in prayer that being here at my mother's does not influence him to become stick on stupid as well. It is only the word of God to my heart prior to his birth that gives hope to me each day. I stand on faith each day that my son will rise above the influence to become a great man of influence.


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Storms

It is imporant to weather the storms. To do so one must have faith in God to prevail. My family is currently battling substance abuse. Never knowing what emotional outburst the day will bring. When I had my son it wad not my intent for him to have this experience.

Although he is not abusing any substance those around him cause him to not have the stability I desired for his childhood. I accept my part in this drama. Had I not had my own addiction I would have been able to shield h from this part of life.

However, as I prayed last nightni thought how this may serve as a blessing. Because of the alcoholism that runs in my family, I am very aware of how much I drink.

When you think life is giving to you the finger it may be the whole hand. It is important to continue to be able to see past the junk. Pray is the vehicle that allows clarity into our lives.


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Grace of God

This morning I awaken from a dream that was both sad and happy. I had no idea that within 10 minutes of waking I would be on the phone with the police. After the incident with the police I took time to pray. I took time to give thanks.

I continue in faith that God has me. I know God has made a way out of no way. I hold tight to the words of God to my soul. I know
God will be on time.

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Blessings

Tonight I look at the moon. I am thankful to have a peaceful place to enjoy the light of the full moon. I also give thanks for being able to see the various constellations. Although it may seem small, I was not able to enjoy such sights living in a large city. Being in the rule area reminds me of my blessing to see the moon and the stars.




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First things first

This morning when I awoke, I was confronted with negativity. My first move was to be negative as well. However I came to realize that by staying in spirit I would rise above the matter. My day did not turn out without bumps but I did stay aware. I am responsible for my actions and my inactions.

By taking time out during the day, I can remain connected to spirit. Staying connected to spirit I am able to stay on task.


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Back on Track

In the weeks following my start of this blog, my life seemed to be turned upside down. It has been several weeks since I have posted anything to this blog. Recently I have been guided to post again to this blog. I have been reminded that God has me no matter what seems to be. I shall keep this blog updated daily with my experiences. God Bless


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