Fucked

July 12th was a very fucked day for me. I took off work to extend the protection order but judge said it could not be done. I lost a ton of money at crap table. Security threaten to ban me from casino. I paid for a meal even though the service was horrible. July 12th was a fucked day. I am not sure how but I am holding faith I can make it beyond the 12th of July.

I shall truly shoot craps no more until my finances are straighten out fully.



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God is so good to me

God is good. I got an upgrade to a king suite. I was able to spend both days in the suite without having to check into the Golden Moon toady. I am blessed. I am thankful. I had won money but went back and lost it. However, I am thankful for God has blessed me. Timothy has access to high-speed. I am thankful.

On the phone with Pat. She is a very unhappy person. I send love to her. Talking with her does nothing to for my soul. Her talks do inform me of much on the head level.

I know God has much in store for me today. I give thanks. My mother called me today. She had little concern for my emotional welfare. I am done.

Blessed 6/13/11

Today when we returned home, the tree beside the house had fallen. The house was not harmed. We are blessed. I am thankful. I am very thankful.

Getting it together

I must get it together. I become angry with my mother and gamble and not accomplish anything I set out to do. God be with me.

Some days I just want to holla

God,

I give thanks to you for blessings. I know not what door will open but I am assured of a door opening soon for me. I write now to release the toxins of my mother from my system. I need to be able to see the blessings before me and to appreciate those blessings. God I thank you.

Hanging on.

I did not see tonight coming. I had prayed earlier for strength to deal with what may come. I did not see myself flipping on Timothy. Yet his mouth and his attitude lately have been working my last. I have overlooked much of his behavior. I just will not have him become my brother and I support him in doing so. I exhale. There is little I can do but pray.

I have faith that once I am past the 23rd of April all will be better. I really sense a change for me. A positive change that I shall be able to recognize as a positive change. I am hesitant to apply for any jobs at this point. I am also thankful for my transfer request being denied. I have had several dreams lately. I am not sure what they mean. I just know I have had them. My mind is racing too much for me to write much about the dreams. I pray for timothy's well being tonight wherever he is. I love him dearly. I shall not tolerate his negative behavior.


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Lost it

Today, I finally flipped on my son. I hurt. I worry as to where he may be. I pray I am correct in thinking he is at Cousin Sear's. Today the stress of everything that lead up to the migraine is the reason I snapped. The good news is Timothy took my warnings to heart and left. I am angry with the situation I am in. It is even more frustrating when it appears he is working against me. My brother sits in the house and openly makes drug deals. My mother wants me to settle for Walmart. I have little money and must make it for another 3 weeks. Quiana is playing financial games with an emotional tie. I am just tired.


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